Popular entertainer, Charles Oputa, popularly called Charly Boy, shares his fatherhood experience
hat does fatherhood mean to you?
It means friendship with my children. It means protecting them from any danger and also protection from themselves when they need it but above all, it means being responsible to take care of your offspring and also being their best friends so that you always know what is happening in their lives even when you are not living in the same house.
How did you meet your wife?
I was still married to someone else when I met my wife. My ex-wife and I had gone to the salon to do her hair and I was fascinated by someone’s hair who later became my wife. She had braids that reached her ankles. I believe I called the owner of the salon the next day and I told the owner – who I knew – that I did not want to be at the salon and I asked if she (my wife) could come to the house and make our hair for us. Of course, I was in a serious relationship; so, it was not much of anything. She only used to do our hair. When I broke up with my ex-wife, she still came to the house to do my hair.
When I was tired of the United States of America, I opted to return home. The next time she came to my house, I informed her that I was going back home and she begged to come along. After about three to five months, she told me that I should marry her or she would leave and that was how it happened.
When did you first become a father?
I think I was about 16/17 years old when I first became a father. I was young.
How did you feel when your first child was born?
I was scared because I was not mature to be a father or get married.
How did your parents react to you having a child at that age?
They knew that at my age at the time, I was a special kid. They punished me more than any of my siblings. I was not surprised when my mother told me that she had seen a wife for me instead of getting everybody pregnant. I got married and it did not last; it was such a mismatch and I was still juvenile and immature.
How many children and grandchildren do you have?
I have nine children and I have 15 and a half grandchildren, as my daughter is about to have a baby very soon so that will make it 16.
Were you in the labour room during the birth of any of your children?
Yes, our last daughter.
What was your experience watching your wife give birth?
I did not realise the kind of pain women went through and I was there to see it when my wife was giving birth. I took some pictures and I kept talking to my wife. For me, it was interesting and exciting and I wish I had done it previously.
Did you wish for a particular gender for any of your children?
Not really but I wanted to have all girls because I feel girls are more serious and together. It takes boys a lot of time to mature.
Why did you choose showbiz?
I wanted to be in a place to do whatever I liked and also to express myself. I figured that art was the best place. However, I did not consider myself as an artiste even though I might have done eight albums. At the time, I feel like I was taking revenge on my parents who I felt were meddling too much in my life. They wanted me to be in a certain way and I resisted all of that. I thought telling them I wanted to be a musician really messed them up and it did.
That was why when I came back from the US, I ended up on my own and I started the ‘Charly Boy’ brand in my village and I stayed there for eight years trying to sort it out. And within that time, I had set up a studio and people were coming for demo tapes. However, that was not enough to keep body and soul together because after a while, it all dried up and my pride would not let me to tell my father that it was not working out.
During one of my trips to Lagos to try to see how I could get my album marketed, I met an angel called Tyna Onwudiwe (African Oyinbo) and we struck a friendship. At the time, my wife had gone back to the US to work and send some money because life in the village was my first encounter with poverty. I did not come from a poor background but because I wanted to do my own thing, it drove me on this path that I knew nothing about. However, meeting Tyna was divine. She is a part of my ‘Charly Boy’ history as she came to the village and made me move to Lagos. She even paid the first year rent for me and that is how I started.
How have you been able to balance fatherhood and your career?
My career has nothing to do with fatherhood. Charly Boy does not live in my house. Charly Boy is restricted to entertainment but in my house, I am Mr. Oputa and I am nothing like Charly Boy. Charly Boy was a brand put together to shock teenage myopic Nigerians out of their mindsets. So, it does not exist.
What values did you imbibe from your father, which continually guide you as a father?
To be humble, live a simple life and be content wherever I find myself. I thank God that for the last 20 years before he passed, we were the best of friends and I suspected if my father were younger, he would have been my manager. He rode my bike with me and did a lot of stuff with me. We went to many shows together as well.
What has been a major challenge for you as a father?
You know God does not give you everything. He gives some things and does not give some things. I thank God for a beautiful family but I have a special kid that I am struggling with which can be challenging but I love him and he is my cross to carry because I know that it can’t be good all round.
What has been your happiest moment as a father?
There have been many happy moments. My kids have gotten married and I am glad that they are starting their own homes and their partners are all responsible and good people. I am also happy because they are happy. There have been many happy and sad moments but I remember the happy times mostly.
Your children are older now but how did you discipline them when they did anything wrong?
I did not treat them like my father who always whipped me whenever I did something wrong. I just made sure that from infancy, we became best buddies. I know everything about my children and they talk to me just the way they talk to their friends. I am very close to my children. So, my kids look at me as a friend and sometimes they even call me ‘Charly Boy’ when they want to beg for something or tease.
How did you reward them when they did something good?
When they do something good, and I tell them that ‘I am really proud of them’, those words are golden. They tell me all the time that I am being too hard and they ask me why I do not just say ‘Well done’ and I tell them that it is because I know that they can do better.
What do your children mostly tease you about?
They tease me about my age. They always say, ‘Old man! You do not know that you are old’ and I tell them that I want to see how they act when they are my age.
How do you relax?
I read a lot of things on the Internet. I relax when I am working especially when I am sharing ideas. I also relax when I am in a good company. I am a loner by nature and so I have gotten to the point where I enjoy my own company. I also relax when I am with my mother and with my family. I also realise that I need to do a lot more relaxing than I have done in the past so I want to take trips to places I have never been.
What do you think makes a marriage work?
Dedication, friendship and mutual respect! It also helps when you tell your spouse what is on your mind and if there are problems, it can be worked on together. People think that marriage is about compatibility; nobody is compatible with anybody. Marriage is about dealing with your incompatibility. Marriage is work. Sometimes, it’s a drag.
What are your views on spousal abuse?
I used to be very violent when I was younger but due to my previous marriages, I have gotten experiences. If I am upset, I just go to my room and lock myself up and my wife does not like that. When I am out of the mood, we iron out our issues and move on.
You are very outspoken. Is this how you have raised your children?
Yes. Very much so. I have exceptional children and they are very expressive. There is no pretending or hypocrisy. They are just themselves.
How do you appreciate your wife?
I haven’t pulled anything lately but from time to time, I have plans of creating something elaborate for her. My wife is an incorrigible romantic. There was a time that I surprised her with a trip abroad and she loved it very much.
What is your advice to children without fathers?
I say to young people that I mentor that it does not matter where you care coming from, it’s where you are going that matters. I have seen people that come from very good homes and turned out ugly beasts and I have seen people from nowhere who turned out very good. While there are other factors, such as environment and family that can make or break you, as long as people know themselves and they are hooked up to their dream and are hard-working, tenacious and consistent, they would go a long way.
What would be your advice to aspiring fathers?
They should make sure they are the best of friends with their children and they should not be afraid. I have turned to a go-to person for my children.
How does it feel to be a grandfather?
I have many children; so, sometimes, I feel like an old war-horse but sometimes, I look at them and I think, if I knew then what I know now, maybe I would have had children earlier. However, because I am not paying school fees, I have nothing to do with that.
Do you have any regrets?
No. I do not have regrets. I have lived wild, fantastic adventures and even though I have made lots of mistakes, I have learned from them too. That only made me a better human being.
Rainbowgist
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